Have you ever asked yourself, “What if Satan made bananas?” Sure, it might seem silly at first, like imagining that there are two opposing invisible entities responsible for all the good and evil in the world.
But bananas would be the perfect weapon for a cat like Satan. No one would ever expect it. Weaponized bananas. They are considered the perfect food, so that would surely make them the perfect weapon. Get the healthy folks first, and then the fatties will be sitting ducks. Brilliant.
I bought a bunch of bananas (“bushel” seems like overkill, so I’m going with “bunch”) that have never ripened. After more than a week, I ended up purchasing another bunch of bananas, which promptly ripened, and then were consumed, digested, and excreted – all while this original bunch just sat there, green as the day I first brought them home.
After a few more days of non-ripening, I put an apple next to these bananas. For those unfamiliar with nature’s quirks, apples release something that makes bananas ripen more quickly. It’s one of the many reasons that you don’t see bananas and apples shipped together. All the other reasons have to do with the fact that they tend to be grown in different climates.
But even with the apple in the same bowl, there was no action on the ripening end of these bananas. Perhaps because it was a green apple? So I then tried a Macintosh, to see if that set things in motion, but no luck.
It’s been three weeks now, and still nothing. Not quite as green as when I originally brought them home, but still miles from ripe. I think I’m going to toss them, so I don’t accidentally slip on one of Satan’s peels.
But be advised, this could be the start of something. It’s certainly not a hallmark of Al Qaeda or the biblical apocalypse, but then that’s what makes it so diabolical…the Bananapocalypse.
